Who should plan the date?

In an era of modern technology and so many choices out there, planning a date can often be confusing and left to the last minute, leading us to the dreaded exchange of “What do you want to do?” “I don’t know, what do you want to do?”

When men are vague or unclear about what to do on a date, it frustrates women to no end but interestingly enough women are jumping in and planning the date. Women complain that men aren’t assertive enough and take the lead with dating but start instantly planning the date. Why are women planning the dates? Do women think men are incapable of using the internet or asking a friend where to take them? Are we getting impatient?

Women are amazing planners, multitaskers, and organizers. While he is texting you about where to meet up, you are probably online looking up “best cocktail bar” in your area and sending him websites, and emailing about reservations..Just stop. Stop doing everything and leave some space for a man to follow through with asking you out. If he’s the one that asked you out in the first place, give him a little time and space before you become the concierge of dating.

Women love a “man with a plan” because it’s a way that we “gauge a man’s confidence and assertiveness”. That being said we also don’t want to get mad at a man who asks for help in planning a date. After all a man who “values our opinion or who isn’t afraid to ask us for help” is a good man. http://andthatswhyyouresingle.com/2011/06/21/how-important-is-it-that-he-plan-the-first-date/

So here’s the dilemma, you want a man to make plans and take the lead but you also don’t want to be rude. So what do you do?

Step one: Be patient and don’t jump in with concrete plans.
Him: “Looking forward to Friday night, what do you want to do?”
You: “Looking forward to it too. 🙂 I’m sure whatever you choose will be amazing, I’m easy going”

Step two: If he asks for hints or suggestions you can give them , just be light and vague about it but while still giving any specific parameters you have such as location if you don’t have transport or food allergies, etc.
Him: “Where do you want to go for dinner?”
You: “Anywhere really that’s in town and has some vegan options” 🙂
This way you gave him options but you are still allowing him to create the date.

Step three: Whatever he plans, be gracious and easy to be with. He may not choose a 5 star restaurant and opt instead for a long walk and picnic. Don’t jump to conclusions about his spending habits or how serious he is about you, he could just enjoy nature and time alone to get to know you without a lot of noise and interrupting waiters. Suspend your judgment for the moment.


So when can you plan a date?
If you are dating online and you feel more comfortable choosing a local spot, than you can suggest that. Also, if you have been dating awhile you can return the favour by suggesting a creative date, hopefully based on your shared interests. For example, on date 5 you can suggest going to a good jazz bar you know since you both share an interest in that music. Just try not to overshadow his dates by suggesting a moonlight river cruise and surprising him with a serenade by Nora Jones. Your dates should be light and creative but should not resemble anything you see on the show “The Bachelor”.
There are no hard and fast rules about planning dates, just guiding principles. Overall when a man asks you out, plans a date and you are grateful, he feels appreciated and valued. He finds dating you to be a rewarding experience and not a chore, therefore hopefully leading to a pattern of dating even after you’ve been married for many years.

1 Comment

  1. It’s so nice to feel like he really planned the date for you. Even after years of marriage I’ve made an effort to try to step back and let him plan more. Then when it goes well I can really give him credit.

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