I’m not a big New Year’s resolution type of person, but I do believe that we should all take time to reflect on our lives and take stock of where we are, what’s working, what’s not working and determine how to move forward and new year can provide a great opportunity to do this. Our New Year’s resolutions often fail because we didn’t set realistic goals, devise and revise a reasonable plan to carry them out, and maintain motivation.
One of your New Year resolutions might be “to meet someone”- ok well how are you going to do this? Saying that you are going to meet someone is very outside of your control. You need to determine the actions and steps you will take to accomplish this. The first step to meeting someone is probably going to be to “meet a lot of someones”!
Devise a plan for meeting new people and what actions you are going to take. “I will join a running club and attend one time a week, talking to one new person each week”. “I will join two online sites and initiate contact with 10 new people a week”. “I will organize a girls/guys night out once a month and talk to 3 new people”. Try to set SMART goals, Specific (organize a night out) Measurable (3 new people) Attainable Realistic (I can find time once a month and I have a buddy I can ask) and Time based (once a month).
How are you going to track your progress? Continue to update and adapt your goals each month, set a time in your diary to review your progress. Maybe you want to set a check in time weekly or monthly to see how you are progressing and if you want to continue on the same path or set a new action plan to get you toward your overarching goal. Why not start a dating excel sheet to track your progress….why not, we would do it for job searching! This years new trend was fitness trackers like “Jawbone”…What is your tracker for dating? Try to measure your success by your actions, not the outcome. For instance, did you try out two new activities this month not did you get a boyfriend. The same goes for weight loss, did you go to the gym this week, not did you lose weight. Weight loss and who we meet is often out of our control, but we have power over the actions we take.
How do we sustain motivation? Support and attitude. Who is your dating support buddy? They might be a married friend who encourages you, a single wingman you go out with, your therapist or dating coach….somebody who accentuates the positive and holds the hope for you.
Attitude is crucial for maintaining motivation. When something goes wrong do you dwell on the negative and start to blame yourself or others? For example, if you are online and get a creepy message, do you say “I hate online dating” “There are only creeps on this thing” “I’m never going to meet a nice guy”. Instead can you focus on the opportunities and what you are doing well? “I am putting myself out there, weeding out the creeps for a nice guy” “Online dating allows me to meet more people and I’m glad I have the common sense not to entertain these lame messages”. Instead of blaming the site, or speed dating, or matchmaking by saying it doesn’t work for you… it’s not the service necessarily but that the chance of you meeting a real match is rare and can be few and far between.
Therefore you have to meet as many people as possible, keeping your standards high and have a positive outlook toward dating. Just like if you wanted to lose weight you will have to enjoy exercise….if you want to meet someone, you will have to find happiness in dating. Why do you like dating? What new experiences and people has it brought into your life?
You may meet the “one” in 2015 and you may not, but being more active and pursuing positive goals will only help enhance your life and get you closer to where you want to be.
I hope this blog has helped your to start creating your own dating goals, feel free to email me your goals or send me your progress along the way!
Happy New Year!